So I've started a strange journey I believe. After the breakup it was very hard for me not to be self-destructive by looking at my ex's facebook page. So I deactivated my account. I'll go back on eventually, I just need some distance from the whole thing.
I've also finally met up with this herbalist who I heard good things about years ago and have been meaning to see. I've had a lot of health issues my whole life and am always trying to improve things with natural medicine. I've tried many things. The best success I did have was with herbs and acupuncture a long time ago. So I decided to try the herb route again.
The herbalist decided to focus on "clearing heat in the upper burner" (it's a chinese medicine thing.) So now I have a nasty tasting herb powder formula to take 3 times a day, and a *very* restrictive diet. I'm already a vegetarian, but I've gotten quite used to and loving of that. *This* diet however is very different. I'll list what I can eat, cuz that list is shorter:
Veggies (except potatoes, corn, eggplant & peppers)
Brown Rice
Quinoa
Non citrus fruits
Water
Herbal Tea
Tofu and Tempeh
Some salt, garlic or ginger
Non spicy herbs
Beans & legumes
olive oil, canola oil, sesame oil
Nuts (except peanuts and pistachios)
Soy
Amaranth, Buckwheat (these are kinda irrelevent because they're hard to find and use)
So yeah...I think that's about it.
I think soy yogurt would be ok, but I'm not sure, because I stopped asking for clarifications after I realized the list got smaller every time I did!
So here's the thing. I'm not trying to whine about this. I just wanted to explain for the curious, but here's the thing:
I'm eliminating a lot of distractions from my life. Facebook was a big one, and food! I love food! I love french fries and beer and coffee and eggs and peppers and onions and spicy food and black bean burritoes from taco bell and all sorts of food really! I've realized that eating food is one of the things I've really looked forward to. And now...eating is not so exciting. I eat now because I'm hungry and I have to. I"m more concerned about making sure my body is getting enough nutrition then whether or not the food tastes good, or is what I'm in the mood for. Usually in the past if I was depressed or stressed, I'd grab a snack, or make some comfort food. If I'm tired in the morning, I know a cup of coffee will get me going, or at least make me happier.
Now all of those things are gone. It's just me. Me and me. And thoughts, and the quiet. When I'm up and about, I'm ok, I do my thing, I'm adjusting to the diet. But when I'm alone, when I don't have to go to work, it's really hard to get out of bed. I know I'm depressed, but it's a different kind of depression. Maybe it's just a deeper layer. Maybe since I have no more distractions I am forced to BE with my feelings, 100%.
I've noticed this change and I know it's only beginning. This effect, probably more than any health stuff may keep me going on this diet. In my free time I am forced to be alone for the most part. My friend's birthday is tonight, so I'm going off a little for that, and my paternal grandparents are visiting next Tuesday, so I'll bend a little for that, but otherwise I'm not going out cuz I can't drink or eat really. I'm hoping I'll start practicing flute again and working on my goals, but I'm being so permissive with myself right now. It's like I'm on a pilgrimmage. Only instead of travelling anywhere in the world, I'm travelling within.
I'm really not sure how long I'll be able to keep this up, but I hope some good will come of it.
