I walked out yesterday morning to start packing the car for market, and the Fall was there. I know it's not officially Fall yet, but it was visiting to prepare us for it's arrival. The air was cool, and misty, and the sun was rising into the sky, and I said, "oo," and breathed a very deep sigh...
There's something about the Fall. Maybe it's just memories, that harken my heart back to times of comfort and love: apple picking with friends, bonfires at the beach, huddling with hot cider and warm jackets at the soccer games in school...pumpkin picking and hay rides with my grandparents....ahh...Fall is a time of relief. Relief from the summer heat and the busy freedom of the summer. It's a settling time that returns us to the roots of who we are. I sigh again, and thank goodness for Fall. :)
It's also a lonely time for me because in all those memories there are friends and family and oftentimes a significant other. I miss having someone there in the morning, miss having someone to lean up against and cuddle with as the days get colder. Miss the certainty that comes with a return to school, and the excitement of all the new yet familiar things, and the coming of the holidays. Halloween is pagan new year. It is the end of the old year before the descent into darkeness and renewel which is the birth of the next. I haven't had a group or even a person to honor this time with in a long while. I do what I can on my own, but I get lazy when it's just for me, and I miss that too. Maybe I can make this year different...maybe that can be my recall to an old familiar feeling, yet renewed with the wisdom of loss and age. Maybe this loneliness, which I feel has taken root in my soul now and reached a deeper level than it has before, maybe it can reach deeper parts of myself now too, and nourish my soul from within.
A girl can hope.
A girl will always hope.
