Chrysalis

I'm struggling lately.  It's odd.  Everything's great.  Except I'm completely disgruntled.  I'm feeling overwhelmed because I want to do *so many things.*  And my time is limited.  Thomas Jeffeson, I believe, said "the way to do many things is to do one thing at a time."  This has always been impossible for me.  For some reason I cannot pick one thing.  Heck.  I can't even pick three and stick to it.  I'm like a kid in a candy store with life and all my interests.  I keep seeing something and getting distracted and running over to pursue that thing..then something else catches my eye and I run back and forth all day, all year, my entire life. 

When I'm asked, I can narrow it down.....sort of.  It starts out like this:  writing, flute/music, pagan stuff, gardening.  And I think that's it..but then I say..oh wait! But I love photography, and scrapbooking, and of COURSE I love to dance!!!   And I want a clean house, and I need to eat, and I love cooking, and I want to hang out with friends...and oh right I need money, so I need a job, so I need a car, so I have to do x,y,z...and oh no! It's bedtime, I'm tired.   It's times like these when I'm thankful that I don't have children...because really?  I would not be able to handle it!   And then it's not enough to dabble...I want to be awesome at all of these things.  But after 34 years, you'd think I'd get the picture....it can't work like that.

So just now, as I'm washing the dishes through my anxiety, I'm trying to figure out what my problem is.  And I thought, "maybe I'm just growing....maybe this is what transformation feels like."  That thought made me laugh.  Because I picture a butterfly, no, a caterpillar, having created this silken womb for itself to transform into something better.  So it's sitting there, stuck in a little ball, in the dark, just waiting to transform. LOL.  And it starts happening.  Can you imagine what this poor little caterpillar is thinking?!?!  Wait...whoa...what's that?  Where'd my legs go?, why do my shoulders hurt...ouch!  oo..it's getting tight in here...um...hello?  are you sure this is happening right?  Isn't is all supposed to be beautiful and rainbowy?  LOL.  Um...how long is this going to take?  I'm hungry....

LOL.  yeah.  It's like that.