Maybe not every beautiful day is for me

It's an absolutely perfect beautiful day outside today.  And I have spent maybe 20 minutes outdoors.  I've been talking online, writing, thinking...stressing.  I had two things...well, okay, I always have a hundred things on my to do list, but I had two items that I REALLY wanted to do.  And they're pretty much things that need to be done inside.  So I've spent a large part of the day trying to compromise with my moral standards.  Because I feel like I *should* be spending more time outdoors, and yes, I *want* to, but I also have other obligations and goals and things.  I *want* to be in a place where my life is more stable and organized so that when a beautiful day like today comes along I can just go frolic and enjoy it. But I'm definitely not there yet.  Still on that boat of trying to do too much.

Sigh.

I create these complicated equations in my head of how my life should be, or what it would take to get me to good and happy.  Will I ever learn?

I tried asking my heart, right now, what would I like to do.  And truthfully, I don't want to go outside, it's a beautiful day, and I hate to waste that, but maybe not every beautiful day is for me.  Maybe this beautiful weekend is for my friend who's having a bachelorette party winery trip, or the woman I heard is having a luau party today, or any countless number of people who really needed it to be a beautiful day today.  Maybe it's okay that I stay inside and do the things I need to....without guilt.   Is that possible?   We shall see...