returning

In the quiet darkness
I do not cry
But wish I would
Release

The words just don’t flow
Now, they sputter
Like there’s air in the engine
The gas line, the gutter.

I wonder if you could ever know me?
I wonder if I really care.
I wonder if it even matters

Cuz I know you will never reach me
The one deep inside
And it’s not that you couldn’t
It’s just that you wouldn’t
That’s just not your thing

I feel like a lowly parrot
Taking sounds I hear
And throwing them back out
Into the world

And it may seem I know what I’m saying
cuz I’ve got the timing down real well
but truly I’m making it up
and I have no ideas

tonight I don’t want to talk to you
because ‘talk’ is not what we do
but really I’m just dying
for you to want to talk to me

My skin’s on fire
Cuz I refuse to accept
The shitty hand I was given
And I will not cash in

If you were here tonight
Maybe we’d play some cards
And that would make me happy
Somehow.

18 months is as long as I’ve ever lasted
and we’re getting there fast
cuz time flies
when you feel like you’re dying

And it may seem I know what I’m saying
cuz I’ve got the timing down real well
but truly I’m making it up
and I have no ideas

My soul is cold
But you used to keep me warm
And the fire outside
Just makes it colder within

And really, tonight
I can’t stand the stupid games
I want you to want more
I want to be an inspiration

Time and time again
I hurt
For all that was
And all that never could be
And all that should be
And all that never will

I want you to inspire me.
Please, put down your guilt
And come together with me
We could inspire each other, I think
If only we tried, if only we cried
And finally let go